I'M OUT!

Although I've always wanted to be a writer, I never thought I'd go about it in this manner. I thought I'd be writing novels similar to Terry McMillan. Boy, I used to love her work. One summer I read all of her early novels. Reading her work confirmed it for me. I would write a novel. A lot has happened between then and now. I never did write that novel, however I'm certain that soon quite a few Christian novels will be birthed out of me. Ten years ago you never could have told me I'd be writing blogs, Christian blogs at that. Back then, I was on another level. I have to laugh and shake my head when I think about it. I was a hot mess! It's amazing to me now how back then when I was doing my own thing, (living by my flesh) and I didn't care who knew. I was out with it. Well, I probably would have cared if the members of my church knew. It probably wouldn't have gone over too well if they knew only a few hours before I had just left the club, stopped for a bite to eat, went home to change, and then went to early service. It would have ruined my whole "churchy" image. I'll try to put this tactfully...I didn't try to hide the fact that I was living in a manner which didn't glorify, God nor was I trying to. I could have been a character straight out of one of Terry McMillan's books. Like I was saying, the way that I lived my life was no secret. I didn't care who knew. My attitude was, "You can love me. You can leave me. Whatever." Having considered my brazen attitude, why then did it take me a few years to be "out" for Christ? If I was bold about my sin, why couldn't I be bold about my righteousness? In the early stages of my walk, I felt like it had to be whispered, almost like a secret. I didn't know how others would feel about it. It must sound crazy, because I went from honestly not caring about anything anyone thought of me to caring about what my friends would think about this...my renewed relationship with the Lord. I call it renewed, because I had been saved much earlier in my life. I just never lived like it. I had always gone to church. I just didn't have a personal relationship with the Lord. I was living to satisfy myself and not him. I had finally made the decision to live for him. Living for him meant that I would have to make changes in my behavior. If I didn't do the things I used to, the "others"would be hurt, because they felt I was different. If I did do those things, I just wouldn't feel right about them. Really, I would feel bad about doing them. I wanted to please my friends, but at the same time, I wanted to please the Lord. This was new for me. Before, I lived for pleasing myself. I spent a great deal of time pondering how my decision of renewing my relationship with the Lord made others feel. This went on for a while until I had enough courage in the Lord to say, "I'm through living like this." I simply walked away from that part of my old life style. I had finally reached the point where I began to be "out" in the Lord. I've noticed the more I grow in Christ, the less I care about what people think about my relationship with Him. But, this growing didn't happen over night. It's been, still is, and will continue to be a process. Although I didn't know it then, Ephesians 4:22-24 was happening in me. I was taking off my old fleshly self and ways. My mind was being renewed, and I was putting on the new me which was created to be like God in "true righteousness and holiness." As I look back and think about it, I realize how great the Lord has been to me. I mean he has just plain shown off in my life. I can't deny him his glory. I can now say without any hesitation, "I'm out!" Think about it. Can you say the same?