Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I get married? When I didn't know any better, my life seemed much simpler before marriage. No cooking dinner if I didn't want. I could come and go as I pleased. I didn't have to call and check in while I was out. I could change my plans whenever I chose and never had to confirm it with anyone. If I wanted to leave the house at 11:00 pm, I could. I had complete freedom. Not to mention, I didn't even have to make the bed if I didn't want to. I was free to come and go as I very well pleased. That was the life or so I thought. I was the BOSS! Boy, once I was married that was over. There was no more coming and going as I pleased. No way was that going down. If I told him I was going to the store up the street, guess what I had better be going to the store. There was no way in the world I could come back four hours later and say I had changed my plans without calling. If I said I was going to the mall and would be back in a few hours, I actually had to be back in a few hours or call, which I could never remember to do. Too bad, because I learned that one the hard way several times over. In the beginning, it didn't seem to me like I was marriage material. I was a total mess up. It was as if I would wake up and say, "Let's see what I can mess up today." I would just pray, "Lord please don't let me mess up today." It just seemed that my husband and I were never on the same page at the same time. I would be on one page and he would be on another. Sometimes, I felt like we were in totally different books! Boy, that was a rough period. I prayed for my husband constantly as if he was the problem. I should have been praying for myself. I knew I wasn't as right as I could have been, however, I didn't know where to start, so I felt that he could give me a break. He didn't have to be on my case all day, every day. I felt like he should be the bigger person and cut me some slack (not!, no way! never going to happen!) I was doing the best I could. The point of contention in my marriage was my selfishness. That's really what it boiled down to. I didn't treat my husband the way that I wanted to be treated. I thought it was all about me, so that's how I acted; however, I didn't reach this conclusion over night. I was so used to doing my own thing that I continued to do it even after we were married. This is all that I knew. Here I was a grown woman, yet I walked around like a baby who considers no one but herself. Whatever the baby sees, she wants. Whatever the baby wants to do, she does. When the baby is opposed, she cries out. Like a baby I was crying out, "Give me a break! What's the big deal? Stop trying to change me." I never considered how my husband might have been feeling due to my behavior, because I was too busy considering myself. I gave myself an out in this area, because this new way of "being" was foreign to me. To actually consider someone else's feelings, other than my own, all the time now that was new to me. My husband came into the relationship doing these things, so I felt that he should continue to do them, and at some point, I'd catch up. Well, he wasn't buying that. He felt that he deserved the same treatment that he gave, and he wanted it right then. God is good. He gave me just what I needed...a strong man who would not, adamantly refused to budge on this issue. I did give it the old college try. I did have a few moments where I did the right thing. I would call if I was going to be late. Sometimes, I would even remember to make the bed. Every now and then, I would even consider the time and we'd make it to church early. It seemed like I just couldn't do all of these things on the same day, day after day. I wasn't doing them consistently. I had to plan to do the right thing, before I actually did it. Man, talk about pressure. I was under pure pressure. After I did all that I knew to do, I prayed for myself. Until this point, I had been praying for my husband (praying that he would cut me some slack). I prayed that if I was wrong that the Lord would show me. I prayed for eyes to see and hears to hear what he would reveal to me. That didn't take very long. Immediately, he showed me that it was I who was wrong. Then, I prayed for him to show me how to be right consistently, because I had no clue of how to do this. He did show me. By no means was it quick nor easy, but he did show me. It wasn't one of those miraculous things where I was instantaneously delivered from my selfish ways. Nope, I had to walk this one out. I had to get my mind right. I had to change my thought process. It wasn't all about me, nor should it have ever been. It was about the Lord being glorified in my marriage. I had to treat my husband the way that I wanted to be treated. I had to do all that I did as unto the Lord (period.. No excuses). I had to begin by thinking the right thing, and doing the right thing, day after day after day. Was this easy? No! It was incredibly difficult. I ranked it right up there with when I did my student teaching when I was in college. I thought it was the most challenging thing I ever had to do. No textbook ever prepared me for what I encountered in the classroom. It was sink or swim. I became a fast swimmer. This was the case for adapting a right mind set in my marriage. I didn't know it at the time but I was disciplining my flesh, and it was screaming and wailing out under the pressure, because it was literally being crushed. It was being crushed out of existence. I must say that once I sincerely gave it to the Lord, real change began in me. I grew to begin to consider my husband the way that he had been considering me all that time. I can finally say that this is a lesson learned. It is a lesson that I must continually apply throughout my marriage. This married life...,this is the life! Why did I get married? So, I can become what God wants me to become. So, I can grow up in God. So, I can see that this life isn't about me. So, I can have one of the greatest testimonies ever (it's not finished yet). So, I can experience how Christ treated the church. So, I can see how much my husband loves himself (because he is commanded to love me the way that he loves himself). So, I can be a blessing to my man of God, my husband. So, I can train women how to love their husbands. So, I can become a Proverbs 31 wife. So, I could become a we. So, we can raise Godly children. So, we can be an example of a marriage that is rooted in God. So, we can further the kingdom of God. That's why I got married.